I tHinK...(too much)

more pics

2011-10-13T19:29:00.002+08:00

I like to think that I'm very abstract and artistic in my writing. So, what I write only some people get, or what Im trying to express is encrypted. Haha. I am in psychiatric terms-grandiosity at its best.

Its been a long time since my psychiatric attachment, now that I'm furthering my studies, I'm doing 3 months of it. I have to say I am pleasantly surprised. Being doctors- we tend to forget to treat our patients as humans with problems. We need to distance ourselves from their problem and pain. It's too much. Its easier to have that barrier that shows as 'I don't care'. How else could I go through seeing a child go through surgery? An old man struggle cancer in the ward? A small child being poked with the needle many times? A woman being ignored of her pain because she was terminal?

How?

Lets face it, psychiatry addresses the issue that other doctors are afraid to face-and I am inpressed..

I am even more impressed by the Methadone clinic for drug addicts in our prejudiced world.

I am glad. Studying has made me a better doctor. InsyaAllah.

Raya 2011

2011-09-02T12:09:00.002+08:00

Its been a good raya so far. I have been blessed with such a wonderful family. Raya would never be the same without your significant ones I think. Its always about the sharing and giving. This year I' ve been trying to understand the art of being near to my Creator. I know I am in the right path but i always feel I can do more. I have to do more. I am young, i still have energy, so I have no excuses. Ya Allah, please guide me.

I remember, once admist my depression of my final year when my life was turned upside down. I prayed Allah.. please burden me with only the road to da'wah and nothing else because the pain seems only worth it when it is to Your path and none other. He has granted me this.

Ramadhan

2011-08-17T07:31:00.002+08:00

There's something about this blessed month that makes me feel...sayu.
All the sins I've made, my selfishness, my un-forgiveness, and most of all, my lack of appreciation to my Creator.

Why is it , I know what I should do, but I don't do?Aishh..

Anyway, I pray that Allah crosses my path with those who believe in what I believe in. So far I am blessed. Alhamdullillah.

Aisyah and Saeeid awake before everyone else at rumah Neklang

constructive crititism

2011-08-06T12:15:00.002+08:00

theres something about malaysians, mainly the muslims that dont know how to give constructive criticism.

Yes, by all means critic, but you have to have the intention that it is for the better. And while you're at it give your support.

This happens everywhere, socially or at work-even (especially) among family members.

dont you think so?

turning a house into a home

2011-07-16T12:53:00.005+08:00

its the age of financial difficulty, we're supposed to be finally recovering but i dont seem to feel so. This is partly due to the fact that i own my own home.

With this I am thankful, but sometimes the financial burden feels too much.

It doesn't help that furnishing a home, costs a bomb.

So as a result i would like to propose to Astro, or any malaysian TV network to do a show on how to furnish your home on a budget-Malaysian style. We get a lot of inspiration (if we can call it that) from American shows, that cater to the budget conscious minds. In Malaysia, we still dont address this issue and the shows that are on air usually costs tens of thousands to refurbish/ furnish.

So, some ideas if you too are in my league (home owner with a limited budget). Hopefully we can share tips and thoughts.

Living room

The sofa is the most expensive here (im still paying for it) it cost around 2K++. I know its white and definately not children friendly. but ive always wanted a white one with colourful cushions. so let this be an experiment. if it gets stained, we'll tur

n the cushion over, if still stained and cannot be help we will will re-upholster-ies (the shop offers this). so we'll see.

we've added more cushion so its more colorful. btw

the cushions cost around RM 8-15 each. curtains: white ikea RM 25, thicker golden brown RM 71 from jusco (70% off)

carpet: jalan TAR RM 100 (i think-this was our wedding carpet-so free la)

mirror: RM 50 (nilai 3)

shoe cabinet: RM 400++ (ikea)

flower pot +flower= RM 20++ (warta bangi n pot fr ikea)

that the pics i have so far, maybe upload more later =)

exams

2011-05-30T06:09:00.002+08:00

exams came and went.

theres a funny thing about exams. it makes u feel.....

vulnerable.

its like, ur putting urself out there and saying

"this is the best i can do for now, go on...gimme ur best shot"

and u feel..well..

at ur lowest.

theres this person i know, who seems to me, knows everything. u know, like a walking text book. to be like this person...whip up information with a click of the fingers.

now theres a person that can probably take any exam.

but thats not me. im like the total opposite.

obviously im one of those struggly ones. all kinds of emotions pre and post exams.

but it turned out well...alhamdulillah..

the thing about exams are..it makes u go through hard times. like ur life depended on it. it makes the connection between u and God that much stronger. because u depend on Him. Whilst waiting for the results (and nearly dying during it), i begged to Allah almost everyday, and when he granted my wishes...i felt...

debt-ed (is there such a word?)

but shouldn't i feel this way all the time? since i a

m his servant?

i am only human, i keep forgetting.

but thank You Allah, for reminding.

All the best for those furthering their studies this year, may Allah guide you too. Ameen..

politics

2011-03-27T20:55:00.006+08:00

im not a politician. i don't understand politics but being a government servant makes me question a lot of things:

like, why are our cars so expensive?where do all the money on the taxes go ? definitely not our pay coz it goes back to paying these cars.

1 Saudi Riyal = RM 0.91

why is it that the price of government tax in restaurant gone up from 5% to 6%?

lets not forget the other taxes-house, income....

is it me? or are we paying too much?and earning the same?and benefiting too little?
and this is only the tax aspect of it all...

maybe its time for change?
as i said, im no politician

birthdays...

2011-02-27T13:59:00.003+08:00

aisyah attended aqilah's bday/pool party

2011-02-15T07:19:00.006+08:00

so its been a while.
is blogging really for the early 20s? where ideas come pouring from the brain straight to the finger tips. where we'd brag about every teeny tiny thing? i dont know...maybe. i have a theory, its easier to type a status update rather than blog. but then status updates are there for everyone to see, so u might just touch on a sensitive issue, hence-no updates...hrrmmm..

the long drive.
bangi to HKL seems like a forever drive. i'd hate to work in KL. i cant stand the traffic. its exhausting to drive. why cant they upgrade our public transport? like in hong kong, or london? the only option id have right now is only if i take the LRT. just the thought of it makes me cringe.ugh! enough said. (i'd rather drive)

leaky ceiling.
can u believe the lousy PKNS service? the ceiling of my new house has been leaking and me and my husband has been calling them up like God knows how many times, and they still haven't fixed it. for those of u getting a new home please check that there are no leaks. keep ur water running for a while and see if there are any leaks, then make a complaint straight away. (advice from ika's husband)

Hong Kong
was great fun! (especially if ur parents are the one sponsoring the trip-haha). food is very expensive, but as mentioned-their public transport is a thumbs up. traveling is so worth being broke later on=)

3 decades.
last year of the 20s? gosh, that is old. its also how long most arab leaders have been in power. my prayers are with those making history.
i read somewhere (in a women's magazine) that research says being 28 is the prime time for most women. wow, did i miss the boat?

toodles.

broke

2010-12-16T21:06:00.005+08:00

yup,

spending too much on money on the house. so me and mr hubby is taking a 'furnishing' break.
ehehe..

i am getting overwhelmed with studying plus work. (so what else is new eh?)

this masters thing is getting really expensive, we had a short in penang, next we'll be going to sarawak.broke.broke.
im dragging my little family along. anyone care to join?

Aisyah turned 1, and we got her a huge '1 malaysia' cake. she loved it.
*sigh*
they grow up so fast.

housing

2010-10-03T10:20:00.007+08:00

i had a chat with my husband the other day, and we were discussing how a lot of bloggers helped us in decision making of our new house-yet to be a home.

our main concern (or maybe mine) is the (tiny) budget we have.

so initially, my thought was- just move in as soon as all the fans, lights and what-nots are settled. nothing fancy. Then a friend of mine advised that if we needed to do stuff like plaster ceilings, flooring and so on-better do it when u havent moved in yet.

we took her advise.

as a result, we'll be moving in later than we thought. haha.

so here's what we did;
1st we did the plaster ceiling; this was done by the same person who did our parents house. he did the job fast and didnt go on and on about getting paid. which is a plus. the price was ok i guess, since we didnt really do research on the price on this. He also did the wiring off the down lights plus other appliance (auto gate wiring then later outside lighting, air cond and fans). the results:
overall. we were happy with the results-neat and not OTT.

we did the grill 1st actually, i dont really recommend this guy since he took longer than he said he would, work wasnt that neat (kemas) he chipped off some of the tiles at the kitchen window, didnt do a good job painting the grills and kept asking for payment (even though we paid the downpayment on the spot). The results were OK-ish:

this is just the front of the house.

next came the kitchen. if you go to the showrooms, its way expensive. we did price hunting in bandar baru bangi and they quoted a kitchen along the lines of RM8k. So we started looking online and we found someone who quoted RM2k ++ on a small kitchen and decided on that. of course it would later on add on more than that. the appliances at showrooms were also expensive. i mean really expensive. so we did a little research online and found a cheaper alternative there. incidentally, we found an even cheaper alternative in ongking (Puchong) when we went to check out the place.

i thought our oven was a good deal at around RM900+, hood and cooker was standard price RM 300+ each.

the results:

tadaaa~

so next the fans and lighting. our blogger research revealed that a shop in puchong had the most competitive price. so we bought all KDK/panasonic fans-this advice we got repeatedly since it will last forever it seems. 5 fans, 1 kitchen light and 1 bedroom light costs under RM1k- no pics since they're not up yet.

wokey~ now we're slowly furnishing the house. this may take a while, but ill try and update. good luck to other home buyers. dont forget to share tips with us. kami budak baru belajar

now lets try studying eh?

selamat hari raya!

2010-09-18T23:35:00.004+08:00

its been a while. theres too much on my mind that i feel i cant blog. like the words that fly through my head in the mornings when i have my long drive up to work ( 40mins- 1hr).

anyways, i have mixed feelings.

happy; i have a beautiful, loving family-extended and in-laws. close (heart and location) friends with the same achievements in mind, oppurtunity to continue studying.

overwhelmed; so many things to do; new job, new house, socializing with friends and family that my free time is just a blur.

stressed; new working environment, new studying environment, too young, no experience, been mistaken countless times as a housemen, afraid of high failure rate exams..

sad; too little time for God, wish i could quit work, take care of aisyah and run a personal business from home.

ok, back to the topic: eid mubarak...

mumbo jumbo

2010-08-08T16:26:00.003+08:00

i love to look at wedding pics.

pics are usually happy occasions where people want to commemorate, thus the fun of going through them..

but weddings...ah! thats a category all on its own.

weddings are when people dress their best, families meet, hearts are joined, its colourful, joyful, and gorgeous...

first i thought it was just a hobby before marriage, but its not, its an addiction=)

why is it people brag? dont they know its rude? i mean if someone brags, what is the person at the receiving end supposed to say?...er...good for you.? i dont know, ive always seen it as rude, some people may not agree...but there you go. especially doctors...man can they brag..

ive always complained about the malaysian attitude towards professionalism (zero). but last friday when i was going about my 'new house errands'- the professionalism were at par. wow! MPKJ, syabas and maybank--->syabas! hehe, very good, friendly and polite service.

being a post grad, means being up to date with the latest research. most journals are for members only, especially the good ones. am i supposed to pay for ALL the memberships. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THROUGH THIS?

i love coffee and chocs, but its making my kid hyperactive (breastfeeding).

happy anniversary to me...8/8/08....and the millions of others who made this date their big day.

making my house a home

2010-08-07T10:33:00.008+08:00

I never realised that having your own house ( mortgage) would occupy your mind completely. Its like i cant think of anything else.
Which cabinets to buy. what grill to fit it. which furniture to buy
to top all that, the finance is like life binding.
where the hell am i supposed to get the money to pay for all this? life long loans?

lets focus on the more important things..the ones that will be with u forever.
iman dan amal
yup - reality check!

lets not forget the other occupants of my mind....

happy 2nd anniversary dear, thanx for putting up with me~

aisyah at the seaside..

2010-06-27T21:16:00.004+08:00

my little angel is afraid of the waves. aww..
me? im afraid of so many things right now. my mind is full of worries.
iAllah, He knows best.
thats one perk of studying. everyday I pray to Allah. Please let me do the right thing, please...show me the right way..
amin

[insert topic here]

2010-06-05T15:36:00.002+08:00

dear blog,
today is a saturday, i've been trying to study all day. i have had little success...but its going on slowly and im easily exhausted because of it.

in the introductory course my lecturers told me that only 4 (out of 20) people passed in the last part I exam. they were really helpful and told us realistic goals. they told us life does go on and its understandible the passing rate was low. things arent the same as an undergraduate level.

my emotions right now is like a roller coaster. really high with enthusiasm then hard rock bottom. optimistic then really pessimistic, happy then sad, the list goes on.

anyway, happy to hear the newly grads are getting their degree. welcome to the hectic working world. it sucks, but always remember the perks.

my perk for continuing my studies?
not to be static, stressed, bored, frustrated and to be better.
hopefully to serve better.

i wont (cant) turn back

aisyah and her flu

2010-06-01T12:58:00.000+08:00

is still adorable even though she wont let mummy sleep at night

online advice

2010-05-27T10:09:00.003+08:00

even though im a doctor, im still confused about a lot of issues on my baby's health. its especially hard if u live in a country like Malaysia where there's all sorts of myths (and curses) related with health issues- mainly in the post-natal period (ie-berpantang).

sometimes its a matter of respecting the elders (not being cursed to having angin- (wind) for the rest of ur life), baby will walk weird (jalan kengkang) and loads more which i fail to remember because its just ridiculous.

Take berpantang for example- there's like a whole set of things to do and not do when evidence based medicine says on the contrary. I myself practiced some of these things- for the respect of my grandma and mother but i dont personally believe in them. A lot of my doctor-friends dont pantang and have beautiful healthy babies and bodies.

Having said that, it doesnt mean all of these guidelines are made up fairy tales-some of them are based on expirience over the generation, which is in a way evidence based medicine (for those of u into research , ull agree on this) its just not done in the proper method. I'll give u an example, after delivery ur not supposed to eat seafood for fear of itchiness at the delivery wound. Some people have allergies to seafood because they have a high histamine content that causes allergic reactions. Having witnessed numerous events of itchiness after eating fish, our great grandmothers came to a conclussion that one should not eat seafood post delivery.

I usually read up on trusted websites such as babycentre which gives good refrences. Theyre not meant to replace a doctor, but they give helpful hints by experts.(disclaimer:but when in doubt always refer a proffessional).

Today, I was looking up on how to relieve Aisyah's blocked nose and i came across a malaysian website that gave shocking advice (sometimes dangerous ones) because most of them are based on 'myths' and tradition - in their defense they are just trying to give helpful advice....
Im not sure what im trying to say, but bottom line; be safe, sensible and reasonable when its about ur (and child's) health.

happy to meet u

flashback II

2010-05-25T16:02:00.003+08:00

im revising my paediatrics (child medicine) at the moment.

and i cant help but get the urges of flashbacks i had when i was a housemen there.

i hated this rotation. not because of the kids (they were adorable) but my bosses/seniors.

"jgn nk ngade2 jadi housemen lame2, gaji same ngan aku..."

this was because i was a senior house officer, so that actually meant i was supposed to do Medical officers work ie more responsibility.

" kau dtg kerja pukul berape? i dont care, kalau tak siap rounds...come at 6am"

this was because they demand a looong history of a patient during rounds (came in with fever-what kind of fever, cough-what kind of cough, how much does the kid weigh, his height, etc, etc)

"u are a fifth poster, i dont want sloppy work" (with accusing eyes)

this is the first remark i was given by this specialist at my first encounter with her, and i havent even done anything yet..i was a fourth poster at this time BTW.

catching up

2010-05-22T15:18:00.005+08:00

my 2 close friends peah and yatt made a pack that they would update their blogs at least once a week..u know, to keep each other updated. so i want in!

i think its healthy to have a blog/journal/diary to pour ur heart out. i read somewhere that it is -because its a mode of letting people know what u feel. sometimes even if ur the only one reading it, emotions on paper (or screen) will have a positive effect on you.

this brings back memories on the journals we used to have way back when i was in MRSM Taiping. our english teacher made us write weekly journals..and me being one of the nosy ones would have a peek at everyone elses journals to see what they were up to. haha~ (in my defense most of us didnt care and most of us did it anyway.)

so how do i feel now?
i feel that missing thing still.
im terrible.
i pray late, rarely read the Quran (im trying to do so now on a daily basis-also trying to do sunnah prayers but not consistent), i rarely listen to talks like i used to back in my student days (though i do listen to the 5 min talk by the ustaz on the radio on my way to work), rarely do charity work like i used to ( altho sometimes i donate), and the list goes on...

moving on..
Aisyah is 6 months old (this is another reason for blogging). I read that its good to keep a journal on ur childs progress because it will be more meaningful later on when they're older. Im not as good a tracker as Shu and Lan, but...i try..hehe

Aisyah Hana has finally learned to turn (on her belly-prone) *clap, clap* but she doesnt do this often as she's on the heavy side. she had her first URTI (upper respiratory tract infection) but is doing well. sometimes upset coz she cant breathe properly and she has finally found her voice again as she is constantly screaming..haha.

Ok, will starts Masters next week~ wish me luck!

Aisyah Hana now 6 months. other names :"puteri" (princess) "michelina" (coz she looks like the michellin tyre man-her arms) "baby chacha" (cousin ), "sha naa" (shortening attempt at ther name)

see?

missing

2010-05-19T09:08:00.002+08:00

i am blessed with all that God has given me.

i graduated and will soon further my studies

i got out of working in a place i hated

i have an adorable, chubby baby girl

i have a loving dedicated husband

i have great supporting parents

i can actually blog while im working...eheeeeee...

and i have great friends (although i rarely see or talk to them-but hey, there's always FB!)

but

ever since i came back from Dublin i've always had this tinggy feeling lingering around me. that i've failed to be a good muslim.

im not giving my time to Him.

i havent been working hard enough to please Him.

we used to have loads of fun (and ache) raising awareness, money for charity and/or islam back in Dublin. I had great, hardworking (although sometimes we'd fight) friends doing work selflessly for others. it was kind of 'selfish' because we (well maybe its just me) felt good helping others and had fun doing it.

but now, its the other more obvious 'selfish'

I cant even help raise charity money even though im surrounded by rich people. its amazing how hard that would be.

i pray, one day, ill find my way back.

amin.

(insert pics here)--> do i really need to put up old pics here?

Aisyah's Growth Chart

2010-04-27T20:20:00.010+08:00

Newborn: 2.75kg

1 month: 4.05kg

2 months: 6.0kg

3 months: 6.7kg

4 months: 7.3kg

5 months: still to weigh (estimated 9kg)

flashbacks

2010-04-26T08:41:00.002+08:00

I cant remember the last time i felt so relaxed going to work. since im a trainee lecturer with nothing to do for a whole month, i am (for now) at peace~

I keep on getting flashbacks. Somehow only the bad ones....

I rememeber in my early pregnancy rushing to work with a nauseating feeling in my stomach not able to stand the smells of the OT (operating theatre). Every morning wishing id be involved in some kind of (mild) accident so that i could take EL (emergency leave) off of work. I remember coming back home at 10pm some days (taging) exhausted and sleepy -after an IV maxalon (anti throw-up meds). Then thinking-how the hell am i going to wake up the next morning, to throw up then get to work.*shudder*

It wasn't any help that where i worked were mainly the women task force, so some of them were like-been there, done that, i had worse so you shouldn't complain. I ended taking up a few leaves which was even worse because i had to get up early to tell my bosses where i was, or why i was taking MC or else they'll have a fit. I know that's the right thing to do but i was really, really sick...

I remember being pregnant and on call, exhausted-and being screamed at because i didnt know what to do. I hadn't read up on it which was wrong. when i did read up i was asked my sources (of which i couldnt remember).

I remember feeling weak, stupid, un-aprreciated, scared, overworked, underpaid and finally giving up...

Then i started to pray...please God...let them treat me better, please God let this be over soon..please...

everyday.

and it got better. alhamdulillah..

I got better treatment, maybe because i was more senior but i knew Allah had answered my prayers.

But i finally decided I couldn't cope with the environment i was in.

So I left (in good terms).

That place taught me a lot about survival which will hopefully help me in furthering my studies. amin

starting new

2010-04-12T09:52:00.005+08:00

WORK
i realised that my current position at where i worked held a bleak future for me. i wasnt happy and felt that it wasnt my place to be. so i applied to do a lecturer program in UPM. They have accepted me and currently i am in the process of resigning of the health ministry. my 3 months' notice ends this 16th april. I have decided to specialise in Family Medicine and hopefully start my masters next year if i am accepted. i have since convinced Hani to join me. haha (okla, she just asked my opinion and i lead her the way).

I cant wait to start new.
i hope it will be a healthy environment to strive in.

PERSONAL
my husband has started his ED shift so my family currently is confused about shift work, because to them it either means u work 24hrs or 7am-6pm. other than that is confusing. He seems less tensed, but i dunno, i have never done ED (which means emergency dept btw)

i am close to getting my house in seksyen 9 bandar baru bangi. it takes forever and more money to actually claim it mine but we're getting there. i dont think we'll be moving in any time soon since theres no one to look after aisyah, and we have no furniture not to mention no electrical equipment and grills in our house for safety. i am saving up for furniture though (empty house?..huhu)

aisyah is adorable. she has somehow lost her voice and has resorted only to bubbling and crying when shes sleepy. she seems never satisfied with feeding so yesterday we gave her nestum to calm her down. she's getting quite big. once we bought a cute little pair of jeans for her (aged 6-9months-she is now 4 months) and it didnt fit. we ended up giving it to hani's little girl aqilah instead.

HOLIDAY
Bali was nice. i loved the dolphin safari and the snorkelling. but hated the midday heat near the beach. note to self-not to go to places where i can burn and get cranky and unfunctionable

PICTURES

healthy lifestyle

2010-03-08T07:58:00.003+08:00

so i've decided to live healthy, hehe.
1st i started of with telling hubby he has to do some excercising since he is putting on some weight plus our Dr lifestyle isnt at all healthy. so he's into futsal.

then it was my turn, my working colleagues have made me interested in swimming again. i havent done it in donkey years...huhu, i was exhausted by minute number 2. haha! thats how unhealthy i am.

so we now swim once or twice a week. there are a couple of swimming pools in the bangi/putrajaya area, right now im pool-hopping to find the best one. i've only been to the uniten and ukm swimming pools. i prefer the uniten one since it looks cleaner, bigger,less crowd and costs only RM2 for outsiders. next pool hop-upm swimming pool (if i find it )and the putrajaya pools

okey, 20 mins 3 times a week, ill be fit in no time! yeay!

updates

2010-03-05T07:35:00.002+08:00

im trying to finish of my leaves at the moment...unfortunately its easier said than done. all i can say is...its not fair that even though we have the rights to some privileges, we cant use them. thats what being a govt servant is all about....although i dont really blame the govt, just some inconsiderate ppl here and there i guess.

working life=trying to please ppl but whatever u do, theres that tiny mistake/thing u didnt do that will be taken notice. no wonder a lot of people end up working on their own. go guys! i envy u. meanwhile im stuck for another GOd-knows-how-many-years with this working environment.

having said that ill be leaving soon to hopefully continue my studies by next year...wooohooooo...i just think i need a change of environment on where im working. Kajang is a great place to start off, builds confidence, but to stay there forever will probably rot u..

the thing is, its not what im doing, its where and with who...it really does matter. I pray to God that i will once again meet with inspiring people who work in the name of Him, and are good in what they do..ameeeen..I have my targets, but this govt bond thingy (i have a JPA scholarship) is eating me alive...theres no passion in the work because of the environment that they have created.

enough about work.its making me depressing.

aisyah is getting bigger (see on the left side she's 3 months ++). as my husband says, she's such a well behaved child. she doesnt scream when she wants something, merely cries softly (manja). loves getting her diapers changed, loves to fill her stomach, sleeps well at night, will give u a half smile even when she's tired, loves rides in the car and loves having a conversation with u. she's also a smart girl coz at this early age, she can pose for the camera and is attentive at reading her books. (which i bought because i read that at this age we should encourage her to read to build up her IQ and vocab for later years).

sad doesnt even begin to describe how i feel when i have to leave for work when she wants to play..but i cant dwell myself in self pity, or id have no motivation to work. Leaving her overnight is the worst, but as i said...do not dwell.

hopefully she grows up well behaved too..(or else id be like a mad person screaming to keep her ADHD kid in order..big no-no)

one of those rare-long-entry moments.
have a nice day!

bali

2010-02-28T17:50:00.002+08:00

right now im in the middle of planning a trip to bali..yeay! am.doing a lot of R&D before going there like where to go, the tourist tips and stuff.

reminds me of my budget travelling days when i was a student, however, now i can afford the once-in-a-while luxuries of travelling since im now working..

cant wait!

working again

2010-01-06T10:07:00.004+08:00

i have approximately 2 weeks before i start work..
am so not looking fwd to it.
its no surprise i dont like where i work (not that i dont like what im doing-totally different thing)
im getting butterflies thinking about going back to that horrible place..huhu

must start meditating..i love where i work...its not so bad...i can handle this......i need strength

God help me
please...

baby aisyah hana

2009-12-24T13:50:00.019+08:00

if ur a regular at this blog (regular=me obssesed with myself haha) ull notice that i have already gone through the process of labour about a month ago.

i was dreading the' pushing-out-the-baby' part and also the vaginal exams, but i got through it..i did however overlook the agony of afterpains that takes quite a while to recover and the misery of getting the hang of breastfeeding..huhuuhuh..

for friends who are about in my stage of life (mums-to-be and mums-who want-to be), a few words of advice from urs truly:

1. pls be patient in breastfeeding, its very2 hard, it may take a while before ur a pro..its not as easy as 1, 2 ,3 as it may seem. once u kno that its hard, and ur determined, then ull see the results. bf is the best feeding for babies.there's loads of info on the net

2. look after urself post delivery. before i forget-remember to rub anti strech mark cream on ur thighs and butt as well not just ur tummy. i didnt know this, now im scarred for life

3. 'pantang' is such a powerful word. in medicine theres no such thing as pantang, so i say dont kill urself doing it, just be reasonable

4. theres no such thing as sleep

5. theres no such thing as breastfeeding leave (altho in fairness i didnt ask for it)

6. enjoyyyy maternity leave...

7. epidural is a nice, nice invention created for labour, but be ready for the pain after its off. go to antenatal classes if u have never seen birth in process. giving birth is exhausting, i have no idea how ppl do it without the epidural.

8. remember- pain penghapus dosa (reliver of sins), and it will end

9. make sure ur husband loves taking pics..eheee...

10. dont forget -loads of prayers and reciting of quran. also read up on things that worry u about ur baby, like how many hours of sleep they should get, how many times they should poop, ect for a piece of mind. u dont have to buy books, the net is a great resource. but make sure u get a gd site and check a couple of sites for 2nd n 3rd opinions.

my fav pic of her coz she looked so adorable; @ a few hours old, i stayed up all night trying to breastfeed her

what my darling hubby was doing at that time (p/s its more comfy to get a single room so that ur husband can crash in and look after u post delivery)

however fit for fatherly duty early next morning (thank God he was on leave at this time)

kenyang, after hours of breastfeeding, we decided to 'top-up' with formula feeding, she suddenly was so alert on day 2 of life

jaundiced at day 4 of life-phototherapy for 3 exhausting days. discharged just in time for her aqiqah (aidil adha in hosp an-nur)

eye-protection

one month old

refuses to sleep at night

but sleeps soundly daytime

didnt understand y we were laughing at her last night

the above pics are from my hp, if u want some high quality pics from my husband's camera along with hana's version of this story click here. (only if have facebook and are in our friends list tho)

there, finally an entry!

time on my hands

2009-11-14T16:08:00.002+08:00

this month i have no more calls. which means i dont need to work weekends which is absolutely amazing. im enjoying my free time before my bundle of joy comes along.

im officially 37 weeks now, which means im due as of now. Baby's real due date is 6/12 but hopefully she'll come sooner, since her daddy's end of rotation starts on the 21st Nov. I would like a December baby, but it seems more practical holiday wise if Baby is born by the end of November. (Like I can have the last say?)

Im getting irregular contractions and they're getting stronger, but no pain yet, so i guess not quite yet. I hope i dont get into labour when im at work coz i have such a low pain tollerance and will start making a big fuss to all my colleagues in Kajang Hospital.

My obstetritian is a pro-epidural and has advised me to take it. hehe (see? low pain treshold).

Anyway, waiting for hours in locum and the obstetrician's waiting room has given me time to read up a bit (not anaesthetic books as my specialist would nag on) but other life-fufilling kind of books. I was raised with english books, so I have difficulty in enjoying malay written books, especially the ones that is full of dalils/ refrences from various sources (as it usually is with religous books). I find it hard to read in a smooth flow, and get bored quite easily with these books. Nevertheless, i started reading La Tahzan (Dont be sad), Aku terima nikahnya, and bercinta sampai ke syurga.

The latter 2 books are written by the same author, and I have found these books easier to read and get the hang of the flow since he is a blogger and writes in such a simple-blog way. I have found these books to reflect on our life as a whole, and is just right up my alley as a reminder.

Sometimes everyday life can just be the same boring working life process that we forget the real purpose of life.

i hope to never forget my purpose of life, ameen.

reminiscing those days

case of the Z-files

2009-11-07T20:01:00.004+08:00

I used to have such a massive zit problem. i was so obsessed with the amount of pimples i had on my face to the point that i used to take pictures of my pimples and constantly talked about them.
I guess it would probably be the same to someone who had a weight problem..

It was actually quite bad that i was quite depressed and kept praying for them to go away. Here are pics of me at my worst.

i was still in my first posting when an MO suggested i go for facial at a certain place in Kajang. (i was contemplating wearing a mask everyday to work since i thought i looked good in the OT sporting the surgical mask).

My acne problem finally became less of a problem after the facial and i was so relieved. i wouldnt say they were gone 100% but at least it wasnt pizza face.

(as proven by the up coming pics)

thank God....
but the facials are costing me a fortune and they hurt like hell.

2009-11-01T20:00:00.004+08:00

im currently at a point in my life where im very unhappy with my working life.
i love my family and loving husband especially (whos currently out to buy me ice cream at 9pm coz i m craving it...hehe the perks of being pregnant), and looking forward to having our baby..

but i really despise my job.
i know i can do better and be happier, and will do soon iAllah...but ugh! to hang in there and try to stand it is such a chore..

my colleagues are actually fun to be around, but sometimes my bosses...(id rather not say openly for safety reasons) i dont think its fair to be treated so inferiorly at times, but i guess it reminds me not to be that way if im a boss one day.

still thinking of that housewife option...however, we just bought a house and i need a monthly fixed income *sigh*

vietnam 08

looking forward to travelling 2010

selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin

2009-09-21T10:33:00.008+08:00

ok, here are the raya photos. hanif's family wore the purple but by the time we arrived everyone had already taken the pics. we wore the purple anyway.

notice that we dont have a clue on how to pose,-very different from my sis n her husband who seem to do it for a living. haha. her theme colour is red,as it is every year.

silver vs red(im in bronze)

MIA wearing purple

both trying to hide our perut/stomach

red raya

raya

2009-09-18T15:46:00.003+08:00

ramadhan's ending. i had 3 days off before raya just to savour the last days of the month, alhamdulillah...

im finding it relaxing to laze around in the house instead of feeling stress all the time going to work.

finding baju raya this yr was a challenge since im pregnant and cant fit in my normal tradition clothes-kurung raya thats like bersepah2 being sold around bangi.

then my sis came up with the theme colour of silver? (what the?) so i found one colour bronze (thats what it says on the tag) which make me a little off colour, who cares? (nasib baik x perasan sorang2 beli kaler gold).

hanif's side pulak purple. that's more feasible/reasonable.
hence we'll be changing baju raya on the same day so that we fit in with both themes. haha

tommorow supposedly im to meet up with old friends. this is sempena shu n ika comming back home (to bangi and/or selangor). Dont bother clicking on their names since they havent updated since the ice age. hopefully i get to catch up a teeny bit. (everyone's so busy, too many dr friends really has it down falls)

remember the days when we just texted each other and we would all be in o'connell street by 5pm, or seksyen 15 mamak by 9pm? (the same day)or mid valley by 2pm (summer holidays)

speaking of friends sonie gave birth to a bouncing baby girl yesterday! congrats!! (anyone free to go visit mother and baby?)

also my family has a tradition of going to jalan TAR the day before raya. simply because, we dont have a kampung to balik to. we urban people year in, year out only raya in KL/subang/sungai buluh/bangi ok.

the other reason is dad is paying for everything.

this year however im under strict conditions to stay at home. what? just because im pregnant? what gd is it to have so many dr friends/family? hmmmph.

happy raya everyone, maaf zahir batin, hopefully i can put up some raya pics soon, even though hanif is not on leave.

unappreciated

2009-09-13T13:30:00.001+08:00

there are a few perks working for the government.

one being the job secuirity
two being having the oppurtunity to serve the nation.
three being they pay for your education

other than that, i feel unappreciated.
long hours.
minimal pay.
little respect
no time for family
few bonuses.
lets not get started on the social 'support' that we have in the work place.
poor work ethics (malaysians have none)
and programs like induction and BTN (what the...??)
and a bond thats lasting me a lifetime to repay back.
yes you paid for my education, but is it fair that im tortured for 10 years?

its my own fault really..huhu...(i knew what i was getting myself into, but i still went on)
i just hope that things ease up for the future generation, its not right to follow something just because its been the tradition since the begining of time. improvement is what we should aim for

ok2,in the spirit of ramadhan, i am thankful that i have a job that pays me monthly on time.=)

missing those days

2009-09-10T15:49:00.005+08:00

there was a time when i had no money but my life was rich with freedom and time.

i miss the days where i get the same vacation time with all my other friends and we could always look forward to travelling no matter which dump of accomodation we got to stay in. we would spend hours and hours planning (or just be a parasite to other peoples well thought out travel plans) to get the cheapest most economical plan to travel.

nowadays, we can never get the same time for leave, even then the time wouldnt be long enough, plus we all have different on call times.

i miss those days when we could just get together for fundraising activities and volunteering work. it felt my life was more meaningful, and if i died, i would die (iAllah) because of HIM. now, even though i have the so called 'hands of healing', it doesnt seem so, it just seems im trying to get by pay cheque to pay cheque. i feel so pathetic.

i need to get out of this routine of my boring life soon..amin.

south africa-always wanted to go there. never made it (yet)

morroco (same as above)

ramadhan

2009-09-02T18:59:00.003+08:00

happy ramadhan to those who have time reading this blog.

updates2,

me n baby are both ok alhamdullilah...fasting is bearable=) hopefully the full 29/30 days.

i've been so tired lately, working is so tiring, i cant wait for the long raya break (sandwiched together by on calls).

anep's on call today, so i have the laptop all to myself..hehe, thus my entry.

this year raya, hubby wont get a long break since he's working everyday in Hosp Putrajaya. so raya this year wont be a break for him. he's saving his leave for when baby is due later on.

we've finally found a house alhamdulillah (rezeki baby). this means that both of us are broke paying for this house.

my boss has just signed my letter to further my studies (yeay). lets hope i dont regret this..

otherwise, i still miss travelling.
have a nice ramadhan ( i miss those iftars in dublin too)

stress at work

2009-08-24T17:58:00.001+08:00

im too stressed at work.
i have to leave soon for a piece of mind.
is it possible to have a happy working environment? im a bit sceptical.

too early

2009-08-11T08:47:00.005+08:00

im on leave now since 2 days ago. i was admitted in hospital for threatened abortion. at 23 weeks my baby already wants to come out. i told her not yet, and she's staying put.

nothing much, just some back pain, cramps with contractions and lots of worries, thats all. i was so worried coz she's so young. her granny says maybe because she already has a name and cant wait to come out....not yet sayang. she's fine, kicking quite strongly.

so my obstetrition and my bosses have given me an MC until tommorow, so now im at home with plenty of bed rest until i cant rest anymore. so in the spirit of when no one actually updates anymore, i am doing exactly that..

in the interest of all this, i think im going to specialise in a field where there is no on call, since my baby now is seeking attention well before she's out. now all i have to do is to tell my boss.....(how? i have no idea, since were understaffed to the point of madness).

its nice to read up on babies when ur on leave/mc. eventhough ive done my obs n gynae roataion theres obviously loads i dont know about it. one website said that it was normal to get braxton hicks contaction at this time, but it shouldnt be painful. The baby is also kicking around a lot since its exercising its muscles.

hope everything goes well then, insyAllah...

23 weeks

2009-08-06T08:52:00.002+08:00

im 23 weeks now which means i have roughly 13weeks to go till our little baby is born. hope she'll be born in good health insyAllah.

at the moment my baby sis is warded in Hospital Serdang (my father initially wanted to send her to Kajang-NO!). anyway she's suspected H1N1 due to history of going to a hotel (debate competition at her school) and having 5 days unresolving high fever, and later developing pneumonia. My mum says shes getting better, so thank God for that.

In Hosp Kajang theres a pregnant 20 weeker, young, suspected H1N1 and yesterday not doing so well. my colleague said it was one of the hardest news she had to break to her family because this lady was previously healthy.

not really good times for our health system.

we're understaffed as it is. and i dont want to dwell on the health system here because working in my hospital i have so many things to disagree with. people just complain and complain but never get to the bottom of things to help make it a better system. Ministers just come up with policies without actually seeing whats it like in the ward and what we have to go through.

sometimes i wish i can go to antartica or greenland to meditate

updates

2009-07-05T20:16:00.006+08:00

its usually my bedtime now, but im feeling better since my morning n noon sickess is finally easing off...
yep, im usually in bed by 9...
yep, am pregnant=)

its been a couple of months since ive left an entry. Is it just me, but is blogging slowly becoming an ancient pastime as ur friends in blogland are slowly disintegrating into thin air?Ah well, must be thankful for social networks such as facebook. its fast and it keeps us updated on the latest gossips.

when i finished med school, i had it drilled in my head that i was going to have tough time as a housemen especially here in malaysia. As a result i was prepared mentally and physically and went through the days with a fighting spirit (sometimes burning spirit sometimes very, very dim). Now that its finally over, i just dont know if im up for the life ahead...i cannot really tolerate the attitude of some people in the system (malaysian health) and the future does not look like one i would happinly endure and keep on fighting in.

i can tell u that i was certainly NOT prepared for preganancy. i thought i was, but i was so wrong. i could not tolerate the sick feeling and the throwing up in the mornings. i was so weak and so hopeless that i have practically decided to become a housewife. by hook or crook.

in an effort to make me feel better, my loving husband is constantly trying to make me feel better by surrendering to my cravings of travelling. i didnt get my wish to go overseas, but malaysia will do. i guess.for the moment.

till the next couple of months then.

port dickson

melaka

bukit tinggi

2 weeks leave

2009-03-16T11:26:00.005+08:00

i've been away from the hospital for 5 days, its getting pretty relaxed before the hurricane steps in again.
the way i figure this out is, my job is either exhausting, or nothing at all.
very soon ill be in a different world, my work revolves mostly in the OT (operation theatre) since ill be joining the anaesthesiology team.

i am called to go for induction for 2 weeks in Genting then BTN in Shah Alam, for those of you who dont work with the government it basically means brain washing and a step towards getting a higher pay raise. ehe

ill miss my hubby for 2 weeks...

on another note, i went to 2 of my ex-housemates weddings one in Melaka and one in Negeri Sembilan. who new we'd finally get this far. we were so much closer then, now they seems worlds apart.

I also went on a recent honeymoon (3rd) to Langkawi since my hubby has never been there before (eye's rolling). we had a good time and i got sun burnt.

i miss travelling so much...

i wish all the best for my close friends all around the world, all of which are starting their new lives..

*below: me at work and at play

langkawi

OT (operation theatre)

5th poster

2009-01-06T18:49:00.003+08:00

im at the end of my housemenship, things are not as bad as it was a year ago. Back then i was a blur housemen who was always picked on by the specialist and MOs. Theyre so much nicer to me now.

my hubby is going through all that at the moment. Currently sacrifising his time being with me to be in hospital delivering babies.

We're still adjusting to on call times, most times our on call are at the same time, but then at times we're on call different days which would result in me being stuck at home doing nothing. My hubby would just catch up on sleeping and not miss me much.ehe.

im still contemplating in which field i am more interested to pursue in...now i feel like im floating, not knowing the best direction to go..ah well, i might as well enjoy HO life...

new year

2009-01-03T19:42:00.002+08:00

i thought it was time to finally type something here.
its been countless times ive been trying to pour out my heart here, but it didnt seem as comforting as it used to be..

maybe its because i have my other half to constantly pour out my to and to deal with my juvinile antics (for which, i am truly grateful).

maybe its because a lot of what goes on in my head is too personal to share on the blogging screen..

and maybe its purely because many of my thoughts i can criticise myself.

a new year means another chance at life, another go at being a better person.
i would never erase my past, because my past is what made me what i am today.

but i am glad that i am given this chance to start over.
happy new year and maal hijrah everyone.
lets make this a better one.

i of course celebrated my new year in the hospital, as i do every year-ah well...

yoga

2008-11-23T10:37:00.004+08:00

I hardly ever have time to listen to the news, i blame my work, but this little piece of news caught my attention.

Im just a little annoyed at the energy that was put into some things (like yoga) when it could be used for better use to make our lives better.

I am a stong believer of my religion, and i hate it to be ridiculed. i firmly believe that a lot of its teachings are misunderstood.

why waste all that time (including intelectual energy) in banning yoga, when it can be used to promote healthier activities like making the prayer rooms bigger in malls? prayers are one of the fundamental pillars of islam. most of the rooms are really unhygeinic and dirty, not to mention under maintained and over crowded.

..or maybe have open classes, enjoyable activities for the non muslims to understand more about our religion so that they're not scared to learn about it without being threatend to make a comitment to being a muslim?

...or promote more fund-raising and volunteering for the needy, something both muslims and non- muslims can do together.

its true, in islam there is amal maaruf, nahi mungkar (promote good, abstain from evil/wrong doing), but my religion is lacking the respect it needs and is being misunderstood.

this is one of the reasons why.
we really have to change.

long time

2008-11-17T13:57:00.008+08:00

i havent written in this space for quite a while, mostly coz i havent had the mood nor the time to write. its feels as if what i have to say doesnt seem important anymore (it probabaly never was). lately it feels as if there's too much on my plate. i cant seem to handle working life plus married life. i want to give 100% in both but i feel like its never enough. then i have no time for myself. its busy, yet empty sometimes.

its as though im busy, but not for the right reasons. i guess this is the stepping stone of the real world where i start regretting my job. most of the time i feel like getting a 9-5 job where i can have the grasp of my life.

im babling...and i sound mostly ungrateful.

2nd honeymoon in PD

trying to pose
bukak puasa at my parent's favourite restaurant in Bukit Bintang

the parents
raya
balik kampung
the in laws

2008-09-20T21:53:00.001+08:00

desperate

2008-09-20T21:28:00.004+08:00

im desperate for time off work. i really, really need a break. as much as i enjoy what i do, i really cant take the pressure of my working environment.

its really demanding.
as it is im still a lousy housemen (aka the lowest of the low, the one that gets blamed for everything gone wrong).

currently i have to do 1 in 3 calls, which means, at least every 3 days i have to work 36 hours straight. i rarely get weekend off, and if i do, it means im on call on friday ( i work until noon saturday) and i also have to be on call monday.

its not that we dont have enough housemen, its the MOs (aka seniors) who cannot accept the fact there are too many of us, and feel that we are not entitled for luxurious weekends and will grind us everytime we make the tiniest mistakes. im telling u, its exhausting.

i enjoy being partt if the medical profession but i HATE how absolutely backwards their thinking are, I hate that they think bullying is accepted, i hate that they think they know everything, i hate that they think they are so much better, i hate that they need to scrutinize other people's mistake, i hate that they will find fault in everyone except themselves, i hate that they think they are more superior (ill stop here)

this year ramadhan is one of the worse for me. its mainly because im exhausted most of the days. it saddens me to think that i work hard, but i dont do ibadah as hard. my hard work isnt appreciated when even a speck of ibadah i do, is so much more rewarded. hard work i do in ward is never noticed, when i know God notices everything i do.

but then,
i chose this life. the fault is only mine to blame.

happier days as a med student (got this from ikha's facebook pic)

days counted

2008-09-20T21:17:00.004+08:00

thank you to those who attended and made my special day even more.
official photgrapher's fotopage

counting the days

2008-07-29T19:27:00.003+08:00

wedding website
photographer's

mails, mails, mails

2008-06-29T11:44:00.002+08:00

mails are becoming an unpersonal thing.
remember when internet became a household item and snail mail was called as such because it was. Because of that we only get bills and a handfull of spam through our mailbox.

now email is becoming the same. i hardly get the occasional personal mail like i used to back-in-the-day. all i get is spam, or some group i joined online updates. *sigh*

people prefer to text i guess, its easier and much more faster. no wonder our handphones have become like another anatomy of our body. we bring it everywhere, even to bed and never switch it off.

the age of technology.

amazing really.

id love a new iphone, but its not sold in malaysia yet.hrmph

ethnicity

2008-06-25T21:02:00.002+08:00

i love the mixture of ethnics of my friends at my work place. we work so well together.
everyday i go to work with a mixture of ethnicity. a lot of my friends are from different ethnic backgrounds: chinese, indians, nepaleese, sri lankan, malays, iraqis.

i found out that its not the ethnicity but the enthusiasm of working as team that matters.

is it me, or do i get a feeling that mid to late 20s arent excited about blogging anymore. its like a stand still in the blogging community anymore?

have a nice one

more tagging

2008-06-02T22:39:00.002+08:00

dalie's tag

the things we do to keep our blogs alive.
i mean, seriously? does anyone read tags?
(i actually do-esp the ones on friendster's bulletin board. i have no idea why. lets just call it a hobby.)

LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR :

1. platinum credit card, all expense paid by the presenter
2. sony viao (pink-so im girlie, big deal)
3. my own house
4. furniture for my house ( i get a shopping spree in ikea)
5. my own 24hour chef

LIST OUT THE REASONS FOR YOUR CHOICES :

1. so i dont have to worry about money ever again
2. so that i have a pink laptop
3. so that i can live in it
4. so that my house isnt empty
5. so that i can entertain my big apetite

THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU IS : dalie

5 IMPRESSIONS OF HIM/HER :

1. hates SOM
2. comedian blogger
3. cat lover
4. has a great car with a buzzer
5. attracts SOM

MOST MEMORABLE THING HE/SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU :

dreamt of me (ok dont start getting any ideas...)

MOST LOVED INVENTION :

internet.agree with tagger on this one.

WHAT DO YOU DESPISE THE MOST

cant think of anything despisable at the moment

PEOPLE YOU WANT TO TAG :

1.shu

2. arnee

3. lilia

4. jhaz

5.semy

i'm it! (tagging part 2)

2008-05-27T20:36:00.003+08:00

cont (my 7 facts)

4. I have NO sense of direction. i just cannot tell ANYONE the right way to go. it doesnt matter how long i've stayed in that place. I only know the way home and back, and its usually only one way, which i stick to religiously. It took me 2-3 years to master the roads/streets of Dublin. Even then, i would get lost driving (we usually take public transport or walk, there are occasions where we hire cars n drive around). By mastering the roads of dublin, i meant just the city centre, which is practically tiny. it takes only 1 hour to go round that tiny city. Sometimes i become courageous and decide to drive somewhere, and even though i am confident in finding my way, i will somehow find a way to eventually get lost.i will arrive at the destination, but it will take longer than usual. this usually means i shouldve taken the lousy KTM. If u dont believe me, u can ask duwe or dalie. that couple will confirm this fact for me.

5. i cannot lie. i have no courage to lie. lying scares me. i will bend the truth, or use specific words to prove a point, or to explain something, but i cannot lie. im a really, really lousy lier. i also have the innability to keep secrets. this is on the basis that i cannot lie. lying is a big sin. please dont.

6. i love sarcastic jokes. i find them really funny.

7. i hate talking about my personal life. personal means for that person only. however i love to gossip. I work in a hospital with loads of gossip. they all have nothing much to do except gossip. the hospital is tiny so everyone knows everyone, and everyone knows about things if someone messes up. especially if us housemen mess up, the news will spread like wild fire. ull end up hearing so many different versions of it, its really interesting. the good thing about it is, i can usually ask straight up to the person being gossiped if the rumours are true or not (unless of course they are my superiors in which case ill just settle with the wildly outrageus information i recieved)

7 people to tag;
1. pe'ah
2. hani (both syahida n izhar)
3. ika
4. ikha
5. jazree
6. yatt ya
7. dalie (have u done this?if u have- ignore it)

I AM TAGGING THE ABOVED NAMED TO THAT U GUYS WILL FINALLY PUT IN AN ENTRY FOR ME TO READ. (exept dalie, u write often enough)
thank u

taging

2008-05-27T19:34:00.002+08:00

my 7 facts

(tagging as a houseofficer means following a senior house officer doing thier jobs. It means a totally different thing in blogging huh?)

1. i think too much. i usually do my thinking on the way to work each morning. thats when all my ideas pour out. thats when i wish i had a laptop to write down all my thoughts. i think we all have great thoughts, its just a matter of putting them into words, on a computer screen. thats the tough part. i think writers are people who not only are talented in expressing their thougts in such a way people relate to them, but are also lucky because they have that spur of the moment time to actually be enthusiatic in writing their thoughts-like what im having now.

2. im very thin. people like to pass remarks that im thin. i try and eat a lot, its just that i have high metabolism. hence ending up in me eating just about anything and staying in (thin) shape. i feel that people/society are very mean to thin people. they like to pass remarks like 'skeleton' and 'aneroxic'. it doesnt really bother me now, but sometimes does when im at my lowest. people are soooo much more mean to thin people that fat people. u dont go saying to people" ur so fat!"-thats considered politically incorrect. but sometimes the laws of the universe allows u to tell people, " God ur so thin. are u sick?"

3. i think between a melody and lyrics to a song, the melody is so much more important than the lyrics. i mean c'mon, some of the most catchy tunes on top charting hits have the most vulgar and stupidest lyrics, but people dont care and sing along to it. I also think that the artiste singing the song gets too much credit for a song (unless of course they wrote or composed it themselves). I also think that Kimberely Clarkson writes the most amazing songs with deep meaningful lyrics, but in an interview she just seems like a bimbo/ innocent girl from texas ( i dont know where shes from im just assuming). On the subject of singers, i love Faizal Tahirs voice, i dont think we have enough masculine voices like him singing. i actually used to absoulutely despise him in OIAM.

4. i used to hate writing really long entries coz i find them really, really draggy and boring to read. but then i read a friends intriquite writing in an entry that explained something really, really well and thought- long articles arent that bad.. i used to think entries should be short and sweet. im thinking otherwise now. I think its better to do this in 2 parts before it gets too draggy.

part 2 comming up, right now i have to go pray.

slowing down

2008-05-10T20:27:00.002+08:00

im doing a rotation at the moment that has way too many housemen that all the other rotation are jealous of us (and they are not afraid to show it).

so taking things slow for a while. i have most weekends off and only 3 calls this months. i have never been so relaxed.

im getting wedding invitations left and right, but i have absolutely no one to go to it with (hrmph).Its like the season of coupling, most of my friends are in a relationship, engaged or getting married. i am truly happy for all of u.

any ideas for wedding presents?

mountains

2008-04-11T12:03:00.002+08:00

i have no idea what to write anymore,
its probabaly my life revolves around only my working expirience-which is utterly boring.
i mean, i love my job (hard to believe) but i mean, theres more to life than work.

but after work, sometimes, it feels like i dont have a life (how sick is that?)

why i say this? its because nearly all my friends are busy at work when im on leave (im on leave currently). im talking about my other housemen-dr friends, so i understand not to actually bother them. (its either that, or they're busy with thier significant others ;))

we keep on making plans to go somewhere on vacation, but never actually end up doing it, since we have no time to plan.

i am at lost with the real world, cause i hardly have time to watch TV, let alone read the paper. i never even had time to regeister to vote, let alone vote. ( i went on about how lame the system was, since they did not give us plenty of warning before hand to register plus they should have at least come to hospital to help working people like us register, but thats old news)

i sometimes miss my student days (before the final exams) when i held tight to the philosophy, theres more to life than studies. my co-curriculur activities was jam-packed, and i even had my friends involved. of course, there was a lot of moaning on my behalf (too much to do) but i thoroughly enjoyed ut, even if it meant planning for holidays, or planning a study group.

yeah, i miss my student days, hell, i miss having a life. huhu.

but i guess this is growing up *groan*

to all my friends out there, i wish u the best of luck in growing up and climbing ur own mountains (i mean that literally to some of my friends coming back from Sabah)

friends

2008-03-20T21:52:00.002+08:00

taking a step back.
being with them was actually a step back into reality. how far we've gone, and how far we've made it through. no matter how time flies around you,

they seem to make time stay still even just for a while.

i miss having them around 24-7.
things are different now, and soon things will change.

sayu, somehow.

break ing

2008-03-18T07:53:00.002+08:00

im on a break
daddy's 49 today
and my atok is 75.

old days for them.
i cant tell you how good it feels to be on leave.

3 whole days without blood taking
and patients realtives calling me...misii....(nurse)

huhuhu

malaysian attitude

2008-02-28T18:59:00.001+08:00

im sick and tired of seniority in this country.

they dont think logical. just because ur senior, u know better.

yeah rite.

older.wiser?

2008-02-26T21:21:00.002+08:00

it was not like most birthdays.

it started with a new case to clerk, with a long call the day before,
annoyed comments from the specialist because i didnt take the apprpriate bloods during the weekend,
then an exhausting drive back home,
falling asleep at 8.30
only to wake up at 3 am because of a severe headache ( i didnt have to take coffee that morning-withdrawal syndrome).

mum dad n sis did have something planned for me though in between my exhaustion;
i fell asleep as usual on the sofa whilst watching tv, the my lil sis woke me up to pray.
i went up saw the bed, the door to balcony was opened so i shut it and absent mindedly fell asleep again on the bed.

then mum came out from the balcony...
"bangun la...meh tgk kat luar kejap..."
i went out the balcony to see my sis n dad both holding up a bday banner...
awww...
then daddy sprayed me with greenish spray stuff.

huhuhu...
i was too tired to eat the whole cake, so i took a slice (ehe)

plus all the bday messages.
and an unexpected present from my HO buddy Tan.

my bday lunch/dinner will be in march.ehe.care to join?

the reunion weekend

2008-02-21T20:48:00.005+08:00

i never thought i would actually go to one of these thingys, but i did.
thanx to my bloger-buddy dalie la, last minute texting me to go- being the friend that i am, i went.

it was great to escape the medical life i must say.
and see old friends.

so what actually happens in an 8-year reunion?

well 1st, turn up late and look fashionable ( u know, like one of those movies where the lead comes in and everyone just gawks-the picture kinds of slows down a bit and some funky music comes up)

then be stopped abruptly by the waiter to inform u that the buffet will finish in approximately 15 minutes.

fine- we say, we wont eat (lie), we just want to see our friends (more lies).

so then go up to everyone (there was about only 25 of them) and pretend to remember everyone, and look really friendly and realy interested in where everyone works now and where they're staying. try very hard not to look blank when someone says "aneesa! lamenye tak jumpe" (because ure seroiusly scrambling ur brains trying to figure out-who the hell is that?).

then go up to a table that ur most familiar with and quietly ask "whos that, at the table in front on the most left?" then start gossiping (with the familiar table).

then have other friends come up to u, and yes, have some cricket moments.

*cricket*cricket*cricket*

then start eating buffet food that ur friends who came earlier paid for.

lastly, dont forget the pictures=)

(gossiping in progress- courtesy of duwe)

me again

2008-02-14T18:21:00.002+08:00

it feels the world is passing by so quickly somehow and im at this static phase in my life.
im trying to be a better person but i fail to succumb to the stressful working daily life.
full of people expecting you to do this and that.

theres always something to do.
and something wrong that i've done.

its not that i dont enjoy the world and hands of healing, i actually really do.

its just i dont like the person ive become.
annoyed, easily agitated, less smile, less patience.

i hate getting annoyed when i come home and mum tells me to do sthg.
i mean, ive had enough of all day ppl telling me what to do.
even the nurses sometimes..."tanyelah MO"

aduh..

there and here

2008-01-26T18:52:00.000+08:00

warning: this is another boring medical entry.

i just got to read peah's blog and i just cant help but compare (being a housemen in malaysia and UK/eire)

she said: When off duty, I barely sat idle in my room. Every single day/night, there are always a night out for a meal, a new film on showing, leaving dos, departmental events.

I say: when off duty, i go home, take a shower try and watch sthg on telly but fall fast asleep before the movie ends, so i never know how it ends. sometimes i fall asleep without realising it in the living room and either mum or dad or nenek will say "aneesa....pegi naik tido..." ill wake up, mumble sthg and/or get annoyed, sleep another half hour and go up and sleep.

its either that or on call.

or, i go shopping in alamanda, metro plaza kajang or metro point (maybe warta in bangi) and either spend like crazy on food or go do my hair- coz im just damned depressed and i convince myself i need pampering (this is usually in the weekend when we go home at about 12pm (half days)

she says: Because my job's not as hectic, I can focus on broadening my knowledge and honing my skills. I am capable of absorbing things than see them passed by.

I say: my job is hectic. i have no time to broaden my knowledge. if i dont trace blood results (which is not technically my job) the specialist will blame me. plus she will do rounds and ask for more bloods (and more tracing of results). i have no time to absorb anything. i have no time to eat sometimes.

she says: And I was made sure that I felt competent enough to do my own speculum and VE.

I say: this is the best part; we were never taught properly to do this. i never felt competent doing this in the 1st week. we were just left to figure it out for ourselves. the community nurse were the ones who taught us most. speculums were done any which way. as long as the job got done.

she says: basically almost all of my 7 SHOs had stood next to me while I performed the examination before I confidently said yeah, I don't need you.

I say: most of my MOs just screams. there should be sthg us housemens did wrong. thats the way we learn. (this is just OnG- medicine is different)

she says: Spoilt by choice, I also get the luxury to decide what I want to do for my day - stay on wards, learn to scan, or run the antenatal clinics.

I say: we never decide. finish ward work, then go to clinic.
"nak kene jemput ke pegi clinic? paham2 sendiri la"
if we are bogged down by ward work they will call the ward and demand we go to clinic.

(if you can-read her say in a calm cool way and my say in a haste anoyying feeling type of way)

till then, im glad she's enjoying it.
come home and change the malaysian attitudes.pls. i cant do this alone.

is it possible

2008-01-25T19:22:00.000+08:00

to be angry all the time at work?

as shu said , my heart is black.

its not fun being grumpy. at work. i used to love doing my job.

now i feel like complaining all the time.

what do i do?

i need a break.

thats what it is.

stressed

2008-01-21T20:57:00.000+08:00

my job is a very stressful one.
when a friend of mine has time to write an entry, i will feel the upmost empathy towards them.
i dont think its fair that i have to work 7 days a week.
its not fair that i have to wake up each morning knowing i have to work.
its not fair that i have to wake up some mornnings knowing that i have to work for more than 24hrs straight. be there for my patients no matter what. hear thier complaints, hear the nurses complaints, entertain the sister's complaints, being told everyday what u did wrong and what ur supposed to do even though its not actually your job.
its not fair.
and its not fair that we have to abide by our specialists when we know a decision is wrong.
we're humans too u know.

k, enough of that.

the good housemen life involves, living with parents and not having to pay any bills. (gelak evil...muahahahahhahahahaha), getting enough money to look at something and simply buy it (coz u dont have time to go window shopping), affording to eat out.yeye---> my favourite part.

having said that, we housemens are soooooooooo underpaid.

i sound like an activist.
the malaysian health system is so corrupt and wrong. its wrong right left and centre.
in a week i work an average of 55 hours (not including on calls), including oncalls would be about..81 hours (if 2 calls per week..and im telling u, this is so much less than average). 81 hours. so a month would be 324 hours.

i mean, who works that much?

its a corrupt system.
it must be.

and dont u dare say, we (seniors) have gone through it, so why cant you.
then,
we'll never progress.

sampai bila negara kita nak maju?

updates

2008-01-17T20:44:00.000+08:00

most of my online blogger friends hardly update their blogs anymore.
its like i've lost touch with them.
i guess its only natural since im so grown up (26 this year- i give up, i feel old)

being a housemen does not help at all with social life.
did i mention that being a housemen is so frustrating? its like anything you do is never right.
no wonder ppl want to have their own business and be their own boss.i get it now.

u know whats annoying? patients.
the ones that gets annoyed with u because u want to take their bloods. like we sooooo want to take their precious blood. like we're begging for their blood.plain annoying.

then there's the IVDUs (intravenous drug users), they take their blood themselves. their bloods are plain to get, coz their veins are either collapsed or hard.

one guy (no actually 2) said, "mehla doctor, saye amek sendiri" (eheee). if that doesnt work then its the femoral artery. (sorry medic jargon)

my housemen friends are all grumpy at the moment coz we're all doing medical at the moment, and the work NEVER ends.

ok, update pls ppl. (except u dalie- ur entries are frequent)

happy new year

2007-12-31T20:37:00.000+08:00

i wish i had more time for my patients in the hospital.
everyday i do my ward rounds with the hope i do it in time, for my consultant to do the second round.

theres never enough time.

yesterday a pakcik died despite my efforts of cpr.
he was a 64 year old chinese man.
he had COPD (constrictive obstructive pulmonary disease) -->asthma.

i still remember him coming up to me when he was well..
"dr...guna pump (inhaler) yang mane satu? ada empat"

me flustered and agitated at work time " mane dr suruh guna td? guna yg itu ajalah"

"oo...trima kasih ya dokter"smiling nicely to me.

i made sure his dose, and came back. "guna yg dokter ckp 3 tadi uncle"

he died yesterday.

i still remember his smile.
old org tua smile.thanking me.

my hospital is crowded, with very sick patients. so crowded and so sick that we dont attend to patients that is ill unless they are at the near point of death. (ok, exagerating). it actually looks like a refugee camp. (more exageration)

they deserve better.
but we cant give them that.
because we just cant manage-no matter how hard we try.

"dokter, macam mane keadaan bapak saye?"
me flustered with work again "bapak awak yg mane satu?"
" (name)"
"sape?"
"katil 18"
"katil 18 yg mane satu ek?" me asking one of the nurses.

me, still flustered and annoyed. "nnt la ye"
then i never have time.

we work everyday. on call every other day.
and we still cant give the care a patient deserves.

so if u can afford it, go to private hospitals, if u cant, dont go to hospital unless you're really. really sick.

(my ward at its very best)

happy new year.

theres more to life than work

2007-12-29T23:23:00.000+08:00

this is what happens when all ur siblings are grown up n ur parents have no one to entertain.

answers, more questions

2007-12-14T11:01:00.000+08:00

a friend asked me online yesterday, whats it like working as an intern in Malaysia?

for the past 4 months ive been writing on how it actually is here.
learning is probably the key word here. you learn a lot. not necessarily what u want to learn.

i've learnt that being tougher, earns respect. being nice, doesn't really get u what and where u want.

no wonder dad treats his workers the way he does. as much as i hate to admit it, he is right-sometimes.

i've also learnt that the learning process here (by my own expirience) is one of the lousiest. the way u learn is mostly by making mistakes, being scolded because of things u don't know, working hard and not being appreciated, underpaid, overworked.

just now a friend called me because Blair (named after the famous witch-she's another one of those psycho specialist) wanted to see her because of some mistake she made. frankly, it could've have been me. heck-it could've been one of the other housemen. my point is, we don't make mistakes because we're careless beyond our means, but rather because we just don't know.

blair

favourite phrase of mine" Tak kene marah lg buat camni, so i guess its right"

favourite Blairs phase of mine" u guys, u just do work, u dont learn" (at least she appreciates we do work until to the point of not eating). i also felt like screaming in her face ( HELLO?U DONT TEACH!).

so anyway, for my unfortunate friend-i'll pray for u.

its tough. facing up to the reality of living with ur own people. even more tougher not being appreciated. but at least this entry will serve as a reminder to treat people the way u want to be treated. even though you never got what u deserved.

having said that;
i appreciated what i have now-with all my heart.
but thats another entry;)

addicted to coffee

2007-12-14T09:32:00.000+08:00

im addicted to coffee.

im on a break at the moment before changing rotations, so i can finally wake up late.even that i cant do coz i keep on getting these headaches.

first i thought it was because i woke up late.

then i realised i havent gotten my daily dose of eye-opening coffee. and it hit me.

im addicted.
damn it.*sigh*

i thought of going to some island with my other 'kuli-housemen' friends. unfortunately being the kuli they are, none of them seem to be free. so i gave up.

i wish i could travel again like those student days.

my favourite (fresh) flower found in a toilet in sabah.

blogger's mind

2007-12-07T18:56:00.000+08:00

i have no idea what to write.
every morning i get in my car to go to work,
(every being the operative word here)

my head starts thinking in a bloggish way.
then when im in front of the screen, i go blank.

my mind must have some kind of stage fright or something.

cucur

2007-11-12T20:52:00.001+08:00

today was damned bz that i only had cucur badak the whole day.

i wish i had time to eat.

ending of syawal

2007-11-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

my sister says i am thin dry (kurus kering)- i take that as an insult, she's just jealous.
end of syawal is near, i never got round to fasting six (puasa enam). damn.
selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin.

CPR

2007-11-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

to those who dont know, im an intern for OBS n GYANE. in non med terms, its anything to do with delivering babies and the female sexual/reproductive health.

i have zilch knowledge on CPR (if i did, i have terrible shot-term memory so i have forgotten). anyway, there was one lady who i had to recusitate (cant spell), who i knew was gonna die, died today.

so fellow friends, this is how u do cpr. anyone can do this.

meaning

2007-10-31T20:23:00.000+08:00

working too much has pretty much diverted my attention from the real purpose of life.
i sound cheesy, i know.
but its true.

i miss my friends, the type thats there to remind me. the rare ones.

maybe its time to refresh

fellow medics are welcome to join (sorry to the non-meds, assabiyah sket)
Kota Kinabalu sounds nice.

gossip

2007-10-23T19:25:00.000+08:00

firstly eid mubarak to everyone.
maaf zahir batin

thought id update on a few hospital gossips.
lately to entertain ourselves we started to put nicknames for our fellow workers.

1. senior consultant-acts as if she is the consultant, housemen, only her first posting, senior by about a month, very bossy. we stay away from her where possible.she's the centre of most of our jokes.

2. consultant@gossips: the nick name giver, also housemen. i called her consultant because she made a fuss about wanting to deliver as many babies as possible and started fighting over them with midwifery students. we gossip all the time to entertain ourselves.

3. 40 years;the staff nurse who once went on an on about how she knows her stuff-she's been working here 20 years. gave me a tough time when i first went there, coz i didnt do some tiny thing. she's ok now-but still....40 years..

4. poison;staff nurse who acts so nice in front of u, then gossips about u with ur peers. so poisonous..

5. employee-of -the-year; fellow housemen who is constantly bogged with work. she gets the worst cases. my gossip-to-entertain-our miserable-life buddy too.

6. MIA; new housemen, constantly missing. constantly taking emergency leaves.he's here now-hope he stays put.

7. step-mum; consultant@gossip's step mum. called as such because step mum is an MO who likes to pick on consultant@gossip.anything, she'll call this housemen. step mum is hilarous, she wants everything stat. i find her amusing most of the time. even when she's scolding me..

8. shout; the specialist i once complained about. she shouts.she's toned down a bit. much nicer now.

till then, tomorrow im on call.
damn it.

TGIF-not

2007-10-05T18:39:00.000+08:00

i wrote this on friday:

i cant say that phrase-coz i work 7 days a week.

i have to go to work everyday, i work until 12 if its the weekends. unless im on-call.

ok so anyway, today was one of those better days, so i have nothing to complain about.

thank God internship is just one year.

Ramadhan is coming to an end. i havent even had the chance to embrace the holy month. im too tired for terawih, and i wake up too late for reciting the quran (or sleep to early).

today-was a slightly different story...
the specialist on call is-one-of-those-people-who-thinks-they're-God's-gift-to-the-world.
everytime i get scolded, i feel emotionally traumatised, because i've tried my best, and yet theres some tiny mistake that ive made, that seems to be the biggest one on earth.

people here like to point out mistakes.
rarely appreciates.
and constantly find fault in others.
its like a hobby.

ah well-all i can do is be patient.
Allah kan ade.

i hope everyone else is doing OK.

more whining

2007-09-27T23:10:00.001+08:00

this morning as i was driving to work, i wondered why the hell i accepted the JPA scholarship.

i mean 10 years working with the government is like hell.

its not the workload or the long hours that im complaining about or i cant handle. its the work etiquette.

i cant stand the seniority, the superiority, the sarcasm, and all those connected to it.

why is it, the higher up u are, the more u have to look down upon others?

i have this consultant who likes (i think actually enjoys ) degrading those beneath her-ie-meek housemen. She will find fault in everything, and make u feel so incompetent.

i blame it on the malaysian way of teaching. it reminds me of the junior-senior time in MRSM back in those olden days. i detest my seniors (some anyway) to this very day because of the ridiculous things they used to scold us of.

u better not do that when you're a consultant... is what we reminded ourselves today.

they say surgery is even worse.
damn.

otherwise,
im actually enjoying 7-5 working hours.
so when should i take leave? anyone up for a few days on an island or sthg?

exhaustion

2007-09-16T21:14:00.000+08:00

i have found new meaning to the word exhaustion.

im still doing EODs (see below). will finish soon (thank god).

yesterday was a hectic on call day. Mums-to-be were coming in b the dozen. 5 emergency cecaereans were done.

my MO told me -aku takleh on call ngan kau la aneesa. huhu, terase.so far my most favourite MO, who actually teaches without screaming or sounding like Mr/Mrs-know-it-all.hope it stays that way.

theres some new housemen's at the moment, so they'll take over me n aida's EOD. o yeah! now we work 7-5 office hours. still exhausting, but heaven to me. our on call now is about 1 in 4, okla...

so anyway, i've made friends with the 'new gang', its fun really, we get to gossip abt what we've been scolded for and ridicule the nurses (who think they kno everything...(BEHIND their backs)-->dosa aku bulan ramadhan, we also get to share stories on how our 'senior' (by abt a month) housemen bullies us (we call her senior consultant), plus we help each other out-covering our calls and what not.

better yet, there's 3 non muslims, so the muslim ones get 4 days raya off! yeayyy!

so its getting bearable.

to those who are wondering if u should come back next year for duty (housemen)- its definately better if u prefer the hands-on-surgery-type work. lots of expiriences here. if u want to take medicine-exam-MRCP type, maybe stay overseas, so u have time to study for that.I have to warn u tho, its ally by seniority here, so once ur dubbed a 'newbie' they have less respect for u. even if its by a month-as exampled by above.

the malaysian work etiqute involves gossiping, sometimes back-biting (in terms of gossip), 'buruk sangka' (dunno the word in english), sometimes jealousy, n ridiculing once 'the new housemen' makes a mistake- this involves nurses, MO's and specialists. so a lot of patience needed.

"Dr...pakai ape kat muke (jerawat dh kurang)"--one of the staff nurses.

ehe.

yep-definately getting bearable.

housemen

2007-09-02T22:19:00.000+08:00

being one in malaysia certainly takes a lot from u.

theres so many thing to learn from, so many thing to understand and grasp all at once, i feel that my head is in a spin.

theres a lot to write but all my emotions of being a slave cant actually put into words at this point. im actually one of the lucky ones that actually have time to write.

plus points is that im close to home, hence they come and see me almost everyday in my 'prison'. There are a few gd teachers (Medical officers, speacialist, Drs, staff nurses, ect2), nice and sincere friendly faces. but they are those who think that thier seniority makes them superior above us little meek housemen.

then theres the long 7 day weeks and every other day on calls (EOD). thats another thing here. the short forms. they worship it.

APO-acute pulmonary oedema.
EOD-every other day
HVC+S-high vaginal swab, culture and sensitivity.
GXM- gp and crosmatch.

i guess its normal. i just a have a new set of language to learn thats all.

*sigh*
then theres the things ur supposed to do, but never done before in ur life, and ur expected to be good at.

its scary as hell.

everyday i come praying i didnt accidentaly kill anybody.

"Dr- umor brape thn?" (one of the young mums in the clinic)
"25, kenape?"
"nampak mude"

(ehe)

"aneesa?ape awak tulis ni?" thts my MO complaining abt sthg i wrote wrong.

"dr aneesa, ape kat muke tu?" (my huge pimple i just squeezed)

"HO baru ke?" (after i asked a stupid question, ie- what PPHN stands for)(i cant remember)

ok then. back to Kajang. im post call today. on call again tommorow. yeay.

ur slave,
dr aneesa-nk ngaku dr pon malu...

a slave

2007-08-15T00:18:00.000+08:00

i finally got my one week's notice to start posting in Kajang Hospital.

*sigh*

this is it.

this is where my social life ends.

i shall miss my current life.

well, no turning back.

wich me luck everyone.and remember-be nice!

last year

2007-08-07T08:50:00.000+08:00

so this time last year, i had a lot on my plate- personal issues.
i remember feeling that the world had somehow ended.

then i had some great friends, who taught me there was more to life.

the thing about falling in depression, to me, would be that it makes u selfish. it makes u think more of urself. how bad ur life is, how people don't understand what ur going through, how envious u r of others, how attention craving u become...and so on..

its only natural, i know-but there u go.

it was at this time i went to Cambodia- on a relief mission. Relief missions; something that id like to dedicate my life to, if fate would permit.

It helps u think of others. it helps u see how fortunate u r. it cleanses. it heals.

helping others, means helping urself-and i dont just mean relief work.

(got this from shu's)

i once saw Oprah (i'm suddenly her fan?), she said something along the lines of- when ur at ur lowest, take a step back and be thankful for a brighter future ahead.

so true.

Al-insyirah (5-6)

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا {5 Surely with difficulty is ease.

إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا {6 With difficulty is surely ease.

trying

2007-08-01T10:38:00.000+08:00

i've been trying to update this blog but i dunno..i keep on writing half way coz it souded better in my head than on this screen.

so anyway, today i had to send my youngest (most manje- no word in the english dictionary that means this-its NOT spoilt btw) sister to school this morning and i nearly ran into my neighbours car as i approached a t-junction. apparently i didn't see her car coming from the left lane.

but i did stop.

and i didnt see the car.

i must be blind or sthg?

so anyway the makcik (or akak coz it was my fault) stopped and got really mad.
she looked like this:

then i appologised and talked nicely, and of course it was my fault-admited it she changed to this:

(dont ask, i couldnt find a nice friendly looking cartoon on google images)

on a different note, i watched a whole episode of Oprah who dedicated an episode to a greener earth. so i hope to try and use less energy, ie- i wont use air-conditioning in the room as much, and save water. that'll do for the moment.

dalie has a good way of going green -which i used to do in dublin.

no wonder our prophet asked us to save water even though at a flowing river.

Oprah is America's richest woman celebrity, as I watched on E!
She does a fair bit I'd say.

so drive safe everyone,
and try n save our planet.

malaysian

2007-07-17T21:21:00.000+08:00

likes

food
food
food
sate
secret recipe
family
the rain
air conditioning
speaking malay

dislikes

komuter-too slow, stops in the middle, too cramped
couples (unmarried) in the komuter
hot weather
proton cars- the only affordable car
gossips
hot weather
bahasa malaysia (its not melayu anymore)
some prayer rooms in shopping centres
malaysian football team

missing

free text
quarter pounder
credit card
irish soccer team

komuter

life back home

2007-07-16T14:34:00.001+08:00

its funny how life gets hectic with family activities once ur back home. sometimes its comforting but sometimes un-personal somehow, coz ur living ur life the way ur family wants u to, for the sake of ur hapiness.

my sister got married last week.
yep my younger sister (altho everyone assumes im the younger one...muke mude..heeeeee)

so being me, the eldest, who just graduated, the next big question will be-when's your turn?-the big-shot doctor from Ireland.

being 25 and single sure has its pressures (as ikha mentions in her blog).

If it wasnt for my support system i have. i would probably be broken by now.

but im fine, dont worry. doing great with the freedom of not having being a slave-yet.

these things arent planned. why dont people seem to understand that?
and as if we have a choice.

kan semua ni takdir?

*sigh*

i think its time i changed my blog layout.

tags II

2007-06-29T14:53:00.000+08:00

hani izhar's this time

Layer One: On the Outside
Name: aneesa abdul rashid
Formal name: aneesa
Casual name: neesa
Birthdate: feb 25, 1982
Current status: Status of what?
Eye color: Dark brown
Hair Color: nikan rahsia?
Righty or Lefty: right

Layer Two: On the Inside
My heritage: malaysian
My fears: hahahah, a lot. hantu, citer hantu, masuk neraka, being alone, being a failure, meeting insane ppl, bykla lg
My weaknesses: byk sgt.lg byk dr my fears
My perfect pizza: pizza hut's-i guess?

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
My thoughts first thing when I wake up: mane henfon?
My bedtime: 12
My most missed memory: hhmmmm...i dont really miss memories, i cherish them

Layer Four: My picks
Pepsi or Coke: boikot.boikot
McDonald's or Burger King: boikot!
Single or Group Dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: al-ikhwan jual ape?adidas kan?
Tea or Nestea: depends if its hot or cold
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Cappucino or Coffee: Cappucino

Layer Five: Do I
Smoke: Nope.
Curse: hehe, not usually.
Take a shower: yela.
Have a crush: yep
Think I've Been In love: yep
Want to get married: yep
Believe in myself: Yep
Think I'm a health freak: nope

Layer Six: In the past month
Drank alcohol: nope.dosa.
Gone to the mall: apela.yes
Been on stage: yep
Eaten Sushi: yep
Dyed your hair: Nope

Layer Seven: Have I ever
Played a stripping game: nooo...
Changed who I am to fit in: hmm.nope.well hope not. i dont like hypocrites.

Layer Eight: Age
I am hoping to be married: 26 kot, then add 1 yr if it doesnt happen.

Layer Nine: What was I doing
1 min ago: reading a tag
1 hour ago: watching E!
4.5 hours ago: eating
1 month ago: finished exams and eating around. i think
1 year ago: very depressed. lets not go there

Layer Ten: Finish The Sentence
I love: my life now
I feel: excited bout the future
I hate: taknak ckp
I hide: secrets
I need: to gain weight.sigh.

Layer Eleven: Tag 5 people
jaz.haha.coz he complained to dalie bout me not updating this blog. amek kau.

starbux

2007-06-25T15:15:00.000+08:00

im in starbux at the moment.
internet here is so much faster.
im coming here everyday.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i still boycott mc donalds and coke ok.

jet lagged

2007-06-21T15:08:00.000+08:00

so I'm finally back.
I cant seem to orientise my time of sleep. jet lagged.
one time i went on line at about 4am in the morning coz id been tossing and turning for abt 2 hrs ipin said: (translated) neesa, aizad says u have no life. u've just arrived and ur already online.

no life huh!

no one was awake to hear my excited-just-back-from-rome-and-just-graduated chatter.

i've been so chatty and excited these last few days- food, family, no responsibilities what so ever at home.

i guess im happiest when im manje. haha.

will post more soon. i hate the crappy internet connection here. the only thing i regret so far.
o yeah-and the lousy registration-Dr. thingy in Putrajaya. So un-organised.....

guys, leave a msg somewhere in YM/MSN/frenster/gmail if u want my number. c u soon.

grey

2007-06-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

so its 4pm.
and its a rainy day.
and arnee is going crazy with rantings..abt us leaving this country

"neesaaaaaaa....kite nk balik dh....."

she's feeling sentimental at the moment.
me?
feeling takes a lot of energy, takes a lot out of me. so i'm staying sane.

so this is it huh? I'm finally grown up.
am i ready to be all grown up?

hell no.

am i sane?

hahahahahhahahahah...
not really...

this is when things get grey.
grey means unclear.
it can be a good thing-exciting perhaps. but then sometimes it makes me feel
blue.

Dublin spire (some call it the needle). was supposed to commemorate the coming of the new millenium. It was finally finished in 2003. 3 years behind schedule. need i say more?

no words

2007-06-08T08:33:00.000+08:00

half empty/half full

2007-05-29T07:39:00.000+08:00

i was g-talking with jaz on the subject of glass half empty and glass half full.
being the IT generation, the reference on wiki states:

"....is a common expression, used rhetorically to indicate that a particular situation could be a cause for optimism (half full), pessimism (half empty), realism ("that depends on whether you are pouring or drinking"), functionalism (twice as large as it needs to be), or as a general litmus test to simply determine if an individual is an optimist or a pessimist. The purpose of the question is to demonstrate that the situation may be seen in different ways depending on one's point of view and that there may be opportunity in the situation as well as trouble"

theres a story on this statement, i remember my teacher telling it to me way back in high school.
She said,

" there were two friends walking through a dessert. They both had only a small bottle of water each. During the journey through the scorching dessert, they got lost and the journey took longer that expected. both of them had finished half a bottle of water, they didn't know how much longer the journey would take, both were severely dehydrated and thirsty. Friend 1 saw his bottle as half empty and didnt want to risk it, he may need it later on when hes really, really thristy. friend 2 saw it as half full, and drank the remaining water. turns out- they werent far off from thier destination. friend 1 died of dehydration. friend 2 arrived at the destination abt 30 mins later"

personally i am not an optimist or pessimist.
nope im waaayyy cooler. im a realist .
i found out about being a realist when i did the test on blogthings and i seriously thought that this was the highlight of my day. so cool.

so, what would i have done in the dessert with the bottle half full/empty?
probably drank half of that ;)

so which are u?

p/s- yep this was to welcome a newly joined member of my blogging community. nice to have u on board.

Ghosts.

2007-05-23T10:02:00.000+08:00

its not easy to update a blog.
believe it or not i have a few unfinished entries that i've never published coz i feel that i havent got my message across.i know its only a stupid blog, but its supposed to comprehensible non the less.

I've been following Grey's Anatomy on life as a surgical intern.To some it may be just a drama, to me its a chance to reflect on whats to come in life.NO, its not getting involved in love triangles- which i may add, is sooooo illogical. I mean there is no way u can get THAT many GOOD looking doctors in one hospital. There is also NO way that they are ALL clueless about their love life. NO way.

But still, there are some good points to be taken from it. I have to say. Especially on growing up. Most of these kind of series do.

Someone told me to write an entry on ghosts:
Ghosts scare you.
I watched 'jangan pandang belakang'.That was scary.

Why are people scared of them-ghosts?
Coz theyre unexpected.
u dont kno what they want, where they're from, why there there, where they are..
They're unknown.
which makes them scary.
When u watch a scary movie, u get chills. Coz of the thought of the unknown can be there-lurking around the corner, or behind u, or maybe above u.

unknown.
a lot of our dilemmas are based on unknowns of the future. which i know (mostly from reading blogs) are what my friends are facing at the moment.

u know the symptoms- (secretly) edgy, annoyed, (jerawats-damn it), the list goes on.

but sometimes we forget that the best things is life is the unknown, and change.
....and faith.

subuh

2007-05-19T09:33:00.000+08:00

its the middle of May and im trying to stay awake for the fajr @ subuh prayers.

its at 3.20 am and ends abt 5.20am

*sigh*

i dont really have anything of worth-while reading to write here. its just a distraction to keep me awake. so i blog hop. here are the latest:

i so feel for dalie who's lost her 'royal fish'--time will heal im sure.
shu talks about the stepping stones to being a Dr.
jhaz uploaded pics from slide-show.com and so did ikha
ika makes a collage.
hani says goodbye

i could be a blog-critic.

i'll try and write something worth reading soon.
i seem to write better when depressed.hmmm...

k, gtg pray.

packing

2007-05-11T08:05:00.000+08:00

i hate packing

its full of demanding choices.
do you want this?no?yes?
is this of even the slightest value to pack n bring home?
*sigh*

i hate making choices.
im one of those annoying people who leaves things to the last minute, then makes an abrupt decision.

the worst part of packing is finding things with a memory attached to it.
especially when it comes from someone that u once trusted.
then betrayed u and said all those hateful things.

everyday it flashes inside ur mind,
and makes u want to give up-
there and then.

the memories that will always be that dark cloud.

*sigh*
sometimes i wish i had a nicer past life.

i dont really mind the broken promises.
i just wish people would tell me the truth.
i would.

on a lighter note, i watched this drama 'cinta medik'. Be warned- IT IS FULL OF LIES (on the life of a medic student). It frustrated me so much that sometimes i had to scream on the ridiculousness portrayed by the story line.

dont the drama-makers (or whatever u call them), do their research 1st before making the actual story?

see?the truth.
just tell the truth.
u'll never loose.

the beggining of the end.

2007-05-05T21:18:00.000+08:00

soon, it will all be over.

7 years of study, finally i'll have a place in the world.

and as Pe'ah said- i'm not sure if im ready for it.

when you're letting go, thats when you realise the fun you'll be leaving behind.

the laughter, the screams, the jokes, the gossip, the pranks, the sarcastic jokes (my favourite), the food, the skipping-class-coz-im-not-in-the-mood, the-oh-no-exam!-i-dunno-anything, the where-am-i-going-this-holiday?, the im-broke!...

its time i guess.

making ur mind up

2007-05-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

i HATE people who cant make up their minds.
trust me, i have had the worst experiences with these kind of people.

dont get me wrong, people can change their mind once in a while.
but not ALL (ok, exaggerating) MOST of the time.

c'mon, make a decision, then stick to it and commit.
if u havent made it up yet, then dont say anything.
just be quiet and think about it.

is that so hard?

***getting annoyed to easily lately...patience is a virtue

Surah:2.Al-Baqarah. 153. O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient....

sabar neesa..sabar....

ABC

2007-05-02T18:42:00.000+08:00

i finally finished my exams yesterday.
i should feel a rush of relief or a breath of fresh air..
but no...
we're all so NERVOUS.
what will become of our future???

so then yesterday,
i searched you tube and found this movie/tele-drama directed my Erma Fatimah.
Lorong Neraka (Hell Road). Scaryyy...its tagline says---> Kisah di Lorong Haji Taib.

I thought the storyline portrayed their lifestyle very well, the actors were good, and the directing (not that i know much about this) was of quality.

It really opened my eyes. I mean, I am aware of what is happening in some parts of home country-ie- drug trafficking and addiction, transsexuals (ladymen as the irish call it), prostitution...(u get the picture)...

but to potray it in such a movie, was a real eye opener.
it makes me wonder what one can do in this situation. just leave it to the goverment?i hardly think so.

My house is in a mess. I need to spring/summer clean (since its May).

U've heard the phrase nasik sudah menjadi bubur rite?
well my bubur that i cooked yesterday turned to nasik this morning. then i put some water in it to boil it again...and viola..nasik air!

im so mixed up.

JPA only gave us scholarship for 1 month, as apposed to the usual 3 months. so in between rent and the electric bill (the bill comes every 2 months)- i am broke (saye patah bak kate dalie).

I guess there are better things in this world. like the sunshine and the empathic smiles of friends.

and also ABC that i haven't had in years.

Al- Mu'minun (78):
And it is He who produced for you hearing and vision and hearts; little are you grateful.

shu talks about being grateful.

more exams

2007-04-30T05:39:00.000+08:00

Trinity people have finally finished (and passed) their exams.

congratulations! am so happy for u guys larrh..
u guys have no idea how envious i feel looking at the happy friendster photos!!!!!(demmm it)
i hope we'll follow suit--->HAPPY PICS coming soon (iAllah....ameennnnnn)

*sigh* now its our turn

its final days.
i feel so old.

good luck everyone, may our prayers be together.

(ni tade keje, nk exam tulis entry.gile kot)

back to studying. my eyes are so bad, I am sooo short sighted now.
skema- bace byk sgt buku/google/answers.com

end.